In Defiance
by Ciircee
Summary: It hurts, but she's not running away from the pain; Nadeshiko said it would certainly be all right.


Disclaimer: CLAMP, and I'm not making a dime! Dedications: To Chelle. And to my all time favorite CCS authors.  
  
In Defiance  
  
It burned. Sonomi ran. Every muscle, every last one, burned and each breath stung at her nose and mouth, biting at her lungs. She grabbed the top of the wooden bridge rail as she passed and it was almost cool against her hand. Almost, but for the heat of friction as she used it to swing around and maintain her speed as she set off down the sand path of the park.  
  
"Amamiya-sama!" The call was breathless and tired and not very close behind her. Sonomi didn't bother to listen to it. "Amamiya-sama!" She ignored the slightly more authoritative call, too. She didn't look back. She didn't care if her bodyguards couldn't keep up with her. She didn't care if they lost sight of her entirely. "Amamiya!" Sonomi angrily turned another corner, slapping back the strands of hair that whipped against her face. The sweat that had made her hair damp now made her eyes burn like tears.  
  
"We must look neat and professional, Nadeshiko! Grandfather always says so." She'd been fifteen and trying not to laugh as she'd used the cool, polite tones that Grandfather had taught her worked best in the board room.  
  
"It does look professional for a model, Sonomi-chan!" Sweet giggles, carefree and happy had answered her. "And you like my hair! You always say so." They'd fallen together on Nadeshiko's bedroom rug, laughing for no real reason at all.  
  
Sonomi's braided hair now reached the middle of her back. Grandfather didn't like it at all, but she wouldn't cut it. Not for anything in the world, she'd told him again this morning as the door, on its force- controlled hinges, refused to slam behind her. Nothing ever slammed, anymore. Not for anything in the world.  
  
"I couldn't, Sonomi-chan! I just couldn't! Not even for Grandfather." Tearful words sniffled into her shoulder as a warm, beloved body shook against her own. "I love him too much. He makes me happiest, even when Grandfather makes me so sad." Pretty wet eyes met hers. "But you understand, right, Sonomi-chan?"  
  
"I do, Nadeshiko. I understand." What else had there been to say?  
  
"Grandfather will too, one day. Then it will all be okay, for sure."  
  
But it wasn't okay. He didn't understand. He wouldn't, even though it might break his heart. Sonomi wondered sometimes if he had one. How could he tear himself away from Nadeshiko, precious Nadeshiko, who had been Uncle's only child? Worse, how could he tear Sonomi away? How could he pull her so far away from the person she loved best? Why would he break her heart again?  
  
A stitch in her side nearly made her breath come hard but she ignored it as easily as she ignored the much fainter cries of 'Amamiya-sama!' She breathed with the pain. She wasn't allowed to speak to Nadeshiko; wasn't allowed to call the phone that would ring in a cramped little apartment that held the sunshine inside. Only the ads, cropped from magazines and carefully hidden, let her see her cousin's beautiful face. Grandfather had left Nadeshiko in Tokyo. Sonomi carried Nadeshiko in her soul. She had carried her all the way to this new place, Tomoeda. Tomoeda had the sand- path parks and the sweet little houses and the good schools and the large, sprawling mansion that Grandfather had taken her to. It didn't have, would never have, Nadeshiko. Sonomi was sure.  
  
"Amamiya-sama! You sure are very fast! Do you think that you will go to the Olympics after the Nationals this year?" Another bodyguard, younger and a better runner, caught her as she burst onto the sidewalk. Sonomi quickly adjusted to the new terrain beneath her feet. "Your Grandfather will be very proud of you."  
  
"I'm not going to Nationals this year. I told Grandfather I wouldn't." She knew that the guard was just trying to be nice. They were all so friendly, these new bodyguards. Grandfather had fired all the old ones before they moved. It was all because she knew that the walls were dingy white and the curtains a cheery yellow. Now there were no yellow curtains and there were new people to protect her. Nadeshiko had none at all, except that teacher. "I told him not ever again."  
  
"Sonomi-chan! Nationals!" Happiness was a physical thing as Nadeshiko tripped into hugging her. "Grandfather will be so happy! You even beat Uncle's old time, right?" Suddenly she was concerned and her lips turned down into a suspicious little frown. Nadeshiko never had big frowns, not ever. "But it's what you want, isn't it? Not just what Grandfather wants?"  
  
"I don't not want it, Nadeshiko." She'd smoothed the frown away from her cousin's cheeks with her hands. "It's an honor and I like to run. As long as I get to run, it's all right."  
  
"You need to be happy, Sonomi-chan. I'm happiest when the people I love are smiling happy smiles."  
  
Sonomi had grinned and walked off the track, holding a slim, white hand in her own; it was stronger than it looked. She had smiled and squeezed that hand before releasing it but it didn't stay lonely, the way that hers did. That lovely hand was happy to fall into the large, open hand of that teacher. That teacher who smiled at Nadeshiko the way that Somoni did herself, the one who got all of Nadeshiko's very best smiles, the way that she didn't. She had smiled. She had smiled because it would make Nadeshiko happiest.  
  
She smiled now too, grim and determined. She would be happy. Her heart kept rhythm with the pounding of her feet. The bodyguard was silent at her side. She would do the things that made her happy, even if they displeased Grandfather. She would find Nadeshiko again, even if she had to wait eight years to come into her trust fund to do it. Then they would giggle together over their new, precious daughters and their old, happy memories. They would. The thought beat inside her, running with her. They would.  
  
She nearly skidded as she stopped, the long, heavy braid flipping over her shoulder from the force. Black gates made of cold iron had risen up in front of her like a slap. Sonomi stumbled and grabbed at the bars, leaning her forehead against them. Sweat dripped from her face to the ground.  
  
"Are you finished, Amamiya-sama?" The question was quiet. "Or do you want to keep going?" The bodyguard's voice was kind and understanding.  
  
They knew about Nadeshiko. Sonomi had screamed it at them once, when Grandfather had refused to listen to her pleas to call Nadeshiko and tell her why she was gone. So that Nadeshiko would know that Sonomi hadn't abandoned her, even if she had left without a word or a warning. Grandfather had told her that nothing would change his mind and left for his company. His leaving her alone hurt almost as much as everything else.  
  
"I'm going again," she said, stepping away from the fence, back straight again. Even though it burned, she would run until everything was all right. The way that Nadeshiko had promised it would be. She was going to run until the tears were gone and her smile was really and truly happy, like she had promised. She'd keep going, no matter what, until her family was whole and happy again.  
  
Then Sonomi could stop running until everything hurt more than her heart. 


End file.
